Worth more than sparrows

I don’t like talking about my tattoos. It’s weird. But I have five and they are getting pretty hard to hide.

I never talk about this tattoo on my wrist even though it’s my second favorite one. Every time someone asks me about it, I always start to feel a little uncomfortable. But, it’s one of my only visible ones and everyone I meet is going to see it, so I figured I might as well write about it and get it out of the way.

I feel super weird when I say that God spoke to me in a dream. I feel like people thinks it’s dumb and see me as one of those Christians who claims to have all these crazy visions that don’t make any sense. Or maybe I’m just another white girl with birds on her wrist. It’s all about perspective, I guess.

But I know that God can talk to us in any form he chooses, so it’s actually not weird at all.

So, here we go.

In my first blog post, I wrote about God asking me to do some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do to this day. It was painful, miserable and I have never felt a heartbreak as intense as that one in my entire life.

So one night, I was laying in bed, angry, hurt and full of anxiety and just calling out “God, how is this going to work? This sucks. There’s no way you can fix this. It’s all over. God, why would you make me do this? You know this is what I wanted.”

The list goes on and on.

Somehow that night I managed to fall asleep. Did you know that when you have anxiety, it’s actually possible to have anxiety attacks in your sleep. How weird is that?

Anyway, in the dream, there was this all white room with a black glass box in the middle of it and I was in the box. I was screaming and crying over everything that was happening to me at the time ( No, Sarah. People won’t think this is insane at all).

Whatever.

So I’m in this box just full on freaking out. Eventually though, I screamed so loud that I broke the box and those little black shards of glass turned into sparrows and I heard the Lord loud and clear when He said “Sarah, I have something for you”.

I woke up after that and felt peace for the first time in a long time.

For quite a while I tried to figure out what the birds meant. I knew that it was tied to Luke 12:7 when the Lord reminds His people that they do not need to worry about their lives. If He can feed the birds, He can surely give us all that we need.

But through more prayer and soul searching, I finally learned that these birds were also connected to the wild- the word that has defined my life and is the backbone of my testimony (you can check out my blog about what the wild means to me to help make things a little more clear).

In that dream, the Lord was showing me that over the last three or so years, I put myself in a box because of fear, anxiety and whatever else can make you want to curl up and die.

I believe that in that dream He was telling me that He wanted me to break free from the chains of insecurity and not be afraid to be vulnerable again. He wanted me to stray from my religion and get away from the things that made me look more like this world and less like Him.

These are all things I’ve merely dreamt of doing, but because things were so tough for me in college, I chose to play it safe because I was scared.. I took safe jobs. Dated safe guys. Stood in the back of the church going unnoticed and tried to make quite a name for myself. I wanted people to see me as organized, put together, tough and almost perfect. I was too afraid for people to see who I really was.

While there’s nothing wrong with being any of those things or dating someone who’s not a total daredevil, they weren’t pushing me closer to the Lord . I chose those things out of fear for the most part and it delayed the blessings and freedom that the Lord wanted to give me.

I like safety and have no intentions of being stupid when it comes to life. I like men who aren’t all over the place. I like structure. I like being clean and organized. I like having somewhat of a plan and I think we all do to some degree.

However, we also must remember that we aren’t meant to play it safe all the time. We need to put ourselves out there, take some risks and do the things that scare the heck out of us because the Lord cares about us and there’s no need to worry about any of it.

It’s really easy to take the safe route and I know that because everyone does it. Just look around and see how many people are playing it safe. There are people who I’m close to that are going to take the easy route regardless of what anyone says.

I know that this is one of my cheesier posts, but honestly, I hope anyone who reads knows how free they are in Christ and that He has something so beautiful for each and every one of us.

If He can give the birds in the sky everything they will ever need, then there should be no doubt that He can give us everything we need.

This tattoo is a reminder that we don’t have to play it safe anymore. We can finally be who we are. We can let go of everything that has hurt us, scarred us and left us bitter. We are free to love and be loved because He first loved us. He has something for us and that’s all that we need to know.

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